Pages

Blogger is doing this new nifty thing where you can have pages on your blog.
I can not tell you how long I have been wishing there was something like this!
So now there are pages underneath my header where you can read about me, see my resume, link to boy meets geek, or go to my portfolios.
Yay!

Letters

Dear Jacob's new apartment,
The furnace is stupid and a annoying. You might want to work on that.

Dear "greatest snow on earth,"
Couldn't you wait till after Jake was moved in? Although I guess I can forgive you because you are pretty and fun to drive the FJ in.

Dear Angies,
One word. Scones. (life changing). Thank you.

Dear Logan,
I feel bad for you becasue you are being raped by two Walmarts. I like being with you despite your lack of a Target. You make me feel good. Plus... Angies. Possibly worth moving here for. Well you know... and Jake.

Dear Economy,

I need a job that doesn't involve fast food. I will even work Sundays or in the middle of the night if I have to as long as I don't have to flip burgers or wear a silly hat. Please stop sucking.

Dear Creative Muse,

Where the hell have you been? Its nice to see you after so long. Lets make lots of money together, okay?

Dear USU,

Please accept me. I really want to get my M.F.A.

Dear Internet,

You suck today. I'm trying to apply for jobs. Help a girl out.

Dear Craigslist,

What's with all the scams? I need a real job.

Dear Blackberry,

Your T/Y button fails to work more often than I would like. Please stop.

Dear Christmas,

Thanks for coming early. Little BIG Planet: Game of the Year Edition is AWESOME.

Dear Etsy,

How is a girl supposed to pick a ring? Too many cute things not enough ring fingers.

who knew that turning 22 was magical?

23 is my lucky number. so having 22 be a magical birthday is pretty surprising.

i haven't written in such a long time...

i feel like i woke up and i was 22 and everything was different

i've been hiding out in my basement fighting depression and anxiety (only not really fighting as much as letting it take over me)

but something about 22 is changing things

it's changing me

i feel for the first time in long time

i feel more love

more connection to the things that used to be important

some kind of direction

i feel like for the first time i know what i want to be when i grow up

and i am starting to get an idea about how i am going to do that

starting with possibly going back to school for a second bachelors degree...

Shredded, Melted, and Mangled

i wanted to go to ruby tuesdays.

we went to outback steakhouse. i will forever be giving jake crap about this.

on the way back to my house we took i-215 heading east. we got on at fort union and once we were on the freeway we rolled up our windows. jake was driving. we were in his pathfinder. i was in the passenger seat changing the music on the ipod. we believe i had my right foot propped up on the dash.

just a few minutes past the fort union on ramp jake wanted to move into the left lane so he turned on his signal and checked his blind spot before he started to merge over. there was a woman in his blind spot so he stayed in the middle lane but she saw his blinker and panicked. she thought he was going to come over without seeing her and so she swerved into the far left lane and then over corrected coming back and came into our lane. i heard her tires squeal but didn't see anything. jake saw her coming and knew it was going to be bad. i believe he said something out loud like "oh shit" right before she hit us, hard, on the drivers side back tire. the way she hit us caused the pathfinder to fishtail out to the right and skid on the tires so we ended up perpendicular to the flow of traffic. the pathfinder then tipped onto my side and slid. miraculously my window did not break. i am thankful i had just rolled it up. that window probably saved my face, my arm, and possibly even my life. after that is hazy for both of us. the skid marks on the car indicate that we rolled at least once and spent some time sliding on jakes side as well but we don't remember that. his window did break but, aside from some glass in his hair and ears, he was not hurt.

the next thing i knew we landed on the roof of the car and slid for several hundred yards. this part is very vivid for me. i remember it very clearly. it is amazing how much your brain can process in such a short amount of time. i remember thinking several things. "No. Not yet." "This is not happening to us." "We are going to hit something on my side before we stop." "I can't believe the air bags didn't go off." and of course, "Is Jake okay? Is Jake okay?" i also remember the sound of metal on asphalt and the smell of the plastic melting. 

i was never scared though. there isn't time to be afraid. in that moment you just are.

the car came to a stop all on its own upside down in the far right lane right after the 2800 exit ramp. pretty far away from where we started. we didn't hit anything and no other cars hit us. when we came to a stop the pathfinder was facing the other direction, sort of south west, which means while we were on the roof we spun and did at least a 180. we were both wearing our seat belts. they saved our lives for sure. as soon as i was sure we had stopped i called jakes name and reached out to him. the moment in between asking for him and hearing him say "I'm okay. Are you okay?" was the longest half a second of my life. 

As i hung there my bare feet fell down under the glove compartment and something under there was really hot and burnt my feet so i had to hold my legs up which isn't exactly easy. jake quickly turned the engine off and i remember thinking that was really smart of him to think to do that. Several people were at my window then. Jake and i were amazed at how many people stopped to help us. It is good to know that there are still really good people in the world. Jake couldn't get out of his side. It was too smashed. There were at least 5 men at my door asking if i was okay. They got the door open and someone held me to the chair while i unbuckled my seatbelt. I flipped down then and stood up but i was barefoot. My flip-flops flew off in the wreck and were on the roof. The pathfinder was crushed at the place where the roof and the windshield meet so we weren't exactly resting flat on the roof we were more on the windshield so when i went to stand my feet were on the windshield and one of the guys grabbed me so i didn't cut my feet and helped me into my shoes. 

It was hard to stand on my own. Once you know you are okay the fight goes out of your body. There was a woman there though who wrapped me up in her arms and walked me to the side of the road and had me sit down while they helped jake out. I sat there on the side of 215 and cried in a strangers arms because i was so afraid for jake. i really wish i knew who that woman was. i wish there was some way i could thank her. 

They helped jake out of the car and as soon as he was up and walking towards me i shot up, went straight to him, and he wrapped me up in his arms. The ambulance got there right then, which was really fast. All in all it took them 5 min tops to get to us because they were in the area training and saw the pathfinder upside down. they weren't even the ones responding to the call. 

We took jake to the hospital because they were worried about his back but his scans and x-rays were negative for any fractures. i declined medical treatment. i wasn't in shock like jake was or in any pain. i just wanted to be in the ambulance with him. they took my vitals though while we sat on the side of the road. the EMT complemented me on my strong heart. i thought that was kinda funny. 

My grandparents came to get us from the hospital and we stayed at their house for the night. I am so glad to have such a good support system here. 

Today we are both pretty sore. My right leg is bothering me but its not really bad. Like i said we think i had my leg propped up against the dashboard so it probably hit the door pretty hard when we landed on my side. It is just muscle aches though. Nothing serious. 

We went to the tow yard to see the car. There are pictures below. Jake and i cleaned his stuff out and then we just stood there in each others arms and cried for a minute. The sheer impossibility that we walked away with nothing but one bruise and one scratch between us is enough to make anyone cry. We have spent a lot of time being thankful today. We were SO blessed! 

The roof above my door.


Jake's door.

The Windshield.
Burnt plastic and shredded metal above Jake's door.

The back door. Which we couldn't open.

Emma Taylor John

this morning, every excitedly, my mom called me to the (nasty, dirty) basement. she and dad are cleaning it just in case someone at the grad party wanders down there, which is unlikely...while organizing some files or something she came across the lists of names they thought of calling me before i was born. she and dad used to sit in church and switch up the combinations. i think it is really cute that they saved the lists after all these years!

turns out rachel johanna was only the sixth choice.

number one was maren johanna, which i actually like.
i also like number four, emma taylor. but do i look like an emma? i don't think so. i love the name emma but i think of it as a more timid, sweet girls name.

thats not me :)

click on the pictures to make them bigger. they are easier to read that way.

"Does she know, does she care?" that's what they'll ask.

"You may not be his first, his last, or his only. He loved before he may love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if he can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you can break - his heart. So don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there." -Bob Marley (pronouns changed)

(lyrics in title by maria taylor) 

i just photoshopped my ex out of my life.

we could call it symbolic for completely moving on or something but i did that already.really i just did this because eliza said i should and i wanted to prove that i could. 

before

after

cause i've seen it before and i don't care anymore

and a new blog design. i guess it's just me feeling more sure of the path i'm on + some frustration + a little leftover bitterness haha. or it's just pretty and funny.

edward cullen wishes he was this hot

i love lists

as requested by eliza.

a compilation of websites that i frequent and/or love and/or think people might enjoy. 

we heart it 
   We Heart It is a social bookmarking tool for images and videos. You create your own page and then when you are surfing the net you can save pictures that you like or that inspire you on your page so they are all in one place. You can see my page here. 

dooce

      This is a blog written by a woman living here in Salt Lake. She is very funny and she has great style. I love reading her stuff and looking at her photos. 

journal fodder junkies

       This is a blog about keeping a journal. I like it cause there are other people out there as obsessed about keeping a journal as i am. You can look at their art and there are also tutorials so you can learn cool stuff. 

cake wrecks

   Eliza actually showed me this one but i am still sharing it. It is pictures of professional cakes gone wrong. v. v. funny. 

threadless tees

    I love this website. I wish i could buy all the shirts. They are a community-based t-shirt company with an ongoing, open call for design submissions. In other words, average every-day artists design the graphics on the tees. I have considered doing something...

collapsingnight's livejounal

      I actually came across this woman's site through the twilight fandom (*guilty*)... she and i have a similar taste in art, music, and photography and i find a lot of great stuff through her. She makes icons for livejournal users and i don't livejournal but i love icons. cute little 1 by 1 inch square photos. she also makes kick butt playlists for every thing. 

utah photographic arts council

      I had to include this. I am a member and so i have a gallery of stuff on here and i know all the other fabulous artists! 

i can read

      Images with words. I love words. Therefore i love this site.

hayley williams of paramore

       ... is my hero. I want to be her. This website is all about her style and where she shops and how she does her make-up. Girl has style. I love this site even though it is a little stalker-y. haha.

overheard in new york

        So freaking funny. People in new york submit things they actually overhear on the streets and stuff. I read it and think there is no way people say things out loud like this... but they do. 

ze's page

      Random, fun, and funny stuff to help you waste time on the computer. I recommend the scribbler, break_up, and string spin. 

create a snowflake

      Another good time waster.

kurt halsey

      I love this guys work so much! 

new years resolutions

       People submitted not so normal new years resolutions. Its really simple art but i like it for the words. Kinda inspirational in a weird way. 

a softer world

This is a totally awesome comic strip. She takes the pictures and he writes the comic... i love it! It's funny and sad and harsh and fabulous. 

and then for checking out art there's always:

ffffound

deviantART

flicker 

oh and i love post secret... everyone knows what that is right?

this ended up being a longer list then i thought it would be...

happy valentines day from a 14 year old me

click here to laugh at rachel 8 years ago 

left leg not broken... but it should be

"Life these days is getting rough

Knocks you down and beats you up

But it’s just a roller coaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not okay

Say the word that should say

Maybe we’re better off this way

I’m not fine, I’m in pain

It’s harder everyday

Maybe we’re better off this way

It’s better that we break, baby"

 -Maroon 5

i've gotten a taste of what it is like to lose someone this week... really lose someone. gone. off the planet. i've lost people before (see above- broken friendship). but death is not something i have had to deal with yet. i have both my parents, all my siblings, all my friends, all four grandparents, my cousins and all of my aunts and uncles- save annalise, who's void i do feel in my life- but she died when i was a baby and so i cannot claim to have felt the pain of her actual death (besides, i like to think she watches over me and therefore i have had her all along). 

understandably the thought of losing someone so close to me has freaked me out pretty thoroughly and i am once again thinking that i'm in a hurry and there's just not enough time.  i'm thinking of mistakes i've made and broken friendships and other things going wrong in my life and i am, as usual, unsure of my next step. 

but this i do know.

my grandpa should be dead. but he is here. he is alive. 

and so am i. 

 

take this as a sign?

songs you might need durring the scary moments

1. Ross Copperman (They'll Never Know)

Hush, baby don’t cry. Just get through this night 

Overcome.

2. Robbie Seay Band (Shine Your Light On Us)

Let Your rescue come for us, we long to love 

And if you feel lost, sing along

3. Paramore (Miracle)

I've been waiting for a miracle 

And I'm not leaving

4. Ingrid Michaelson (Keep Breathing)

All i can do is keep breathing.  All we can do is keep breathing now. 

 All we can do is keep breathing 

5. City and Colour (Hello, I'm Delaware)

It's been so long. Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong...

But I will see you again.

I got a scary phone call today.

The kind people pray they will never get. 

"Rachel, your grandpa is in intensive care." 

And all I could do and fathom and be was in that one sentence. Heart-ending and gut-pounding and soul-crushing as it was, the only thing I knew to do was twist my face into this shocked look that was scary enough to prompt an, "oh my gosh rachel, what happened?" from both my roommates. And I have never felt so helpless. It is hard for me to just pray. To offer up something like the prayer you say even though you know what you ask for might be pointless, but all you have left between you and that thing that scares you the most is a sliver of a hope that your prayer will save you.

yeah, maybe
amen

origami

click here for awesomeness...

so brilliant!

T, D & Z

a love a good adventure...
just messing around.
i love having new models!

bad dreams and morning breath: an experiment in podcasting

Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
[pause. All look at Cady]
Cady: I have really bad breath in the morning.
Karen: Ew! 

-Mean Girls

podcast #1 : click to listen! 

senior pictures: annalise

just delirious

well aren't you just a cute little pyromaniac?

there really isn't much of an explanation for this. while in the process of packing and getting ready to move i came across this stack of letters i had written someone several months back. letters that i never intended to send. a therapeutic exercise of sorts. 

so why did i burn them? 

it felt appropriate i suppose 

i have always risen from my own ashes, like a phoenix, and this was just another one of those times. 

captured in photographs. 

Ashes... such a pretty word for such an ugly thing

© r.johanna arts 2009